Tag: dipg progression

waiting for the shoe to drop

A common saying I had no idea where it came from .. but its been chasing itself around my head the last few days.. So I had to find out .. according to wiktionary Etymology : A common experience of tenement living in apartment-style housing in New York City, and other large cities, during the manufacturing boom of the late 19th and early 20th centuries. Apartments were built, similar in design, with the bedrooms located directly above and underneath one another. Thus, it was normal to hear a neighbor removing their shoes in the apartment above. As one shoe made a sound hitting the floor, the expectation for the other shoe to make a similar disturbance was created. I was kinda the opposite of this. I honestly was walking around fairly confident in regards to my children there were no other shoes that could drop.. I have been more scared of[…]

flash

flash.. Today it starts I guess.. flashes. Constantly. Of her final weeks. I feel like I am suddenly on the verge. Scared I am about to topple off.. Because I know its not a matter of it.. simply of when. But I can’t do this right now. I leave tomorrow for Seattle to give the amazing Dr Olsen a check from Unravel. Jonathan is missing school and coming with me. I need to not be a shell. .. So I hope by diving in.. and sweeping out the cobwebs of my mind.. maybe I can be more .. Because today was sudden. .. flashes.. moments.. horrible and beautiful. Walking down the hallway past what was Jennifer’s room.. now holding a sleeping baby that never got to meet her biggest sister. a flash that stops me.. Solid. I try to grasp and savor it. The weight of her.. How tiny she[…]

so much has changed

Bridgette is 5 months old.. Thats how old Charlotte was when our lives began to crumble. .. Today is hard.. I just woke up hurting and wanting. And mad. I went.. as I always do in the morning, to a place Tony and I both call wonderful torture. The “on this day” option on Facebook. And I saw the picture of my Jennifer with one of her very best friends. They were wearing the matching pink minnie shirts Jennifer picked out for them in Disney World. I smiled. Remembering how the girls were so serious about trying to match everything. Same color hair things.. and boots and leggings and blue skirts. I smiled at how happy she was to be back at her preschool even though she should have been in kinder. How we gave her the choice of where to go .. and she gladly chose Ms Sandy with Maddie[…]