dipg progression Archives - Unravel Pediatric CancerUnravel Pediatric Cancer

flash

January 27, 2016May 4, 2016Unravel Pediatric Cancergrieving after 1 year, hospiceanniversary of child loss, brain tumor, cancer, child hospice, childhood cancer, Diffuse Intrinsic Pontine Glioma, DIPG, dipg progression, lucille packard, monje, mri, pediatric brain tumor, radiation, remembering childs death, tumor donation9 Comments

flash.. Today it starts I guess.. flashes. Constantly. Of her final weeks. I feel like I am suddenly on the verge. Scared I am about to topple off.. Because I know its not a matter of it.. simply of when. But I can’t do this right now. I leave tomorrow for Seattle to give the amazing Dr Olsen a check from Unravel. Jonathan is missing school and coming with me. I need to not be a shell. .. So I hope by diving in.. and sweeping out the cobwebs of my mind.. maybe I can be more .. Because today was sudden. .. flashes.. moments.. horrible and beautiful. Walking down the hallway past what was Jennifer’s room.. now holding a sleeping baby that never got to meet her biggest sister. a flash that stops me.. Solid. I try to grasp and savor it. The weight of her.. How tiny she[…]

so much has changed

January 22, 2016May 4, 2016Unravel Pediatric Cancergrieving after 1 yearbereaved parent, cancer mom, cancer progression, cancer recurrence, cancer spreading, child death, child grief, child hospice, child loss, childhood cancer, Diffuse Intrinsic Pontine Glioma, DIPG, dipg progression, forever 6, friendship after childloss, guilt after child death, kid cancer, remembering dead child5 Comments

Bridgette is 5 months old.. Thats how old Charlotte was when our lives began to crumble. .. Today is hard.. I just woke up hurting and wanting. And mad. I went.. as I always do in the morning, to a place Tony and I both call wonderful torture. The “on this day” option on Facebook. And I saw the picture of my Jennifer with one of her very best friends. They were wearing the matching pink minnie shirts Jennifer picked out for them in Disney World. I smiled. Remembering how the girls were so serious about trying to match everything. Same color hair things.. and boots and leggings and blue skirts. I smiled at how happy she was to be back at her preschool even though she should have been in kinder. How we gave her the choice of where to go .. and she gladly chose Ms Sandy with Maddie[…]

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