Tag: Build a Bear

a bears voice

The holidays have come and gone. We survived. But I don’t really have time to catch my breath. Because now the countdown begins. To the official start of our 3rd year without her. That thought makes me choke and gag. Its a horrible notion. its my vile truth. 2 years ago right now I still had some hope. That maybe.. maybe my Jennifer would be the one. The first to beat this thing. That we would have time for more memories and experiences. That we made all the right choices. Choosing to try radiation. To have Tony keep working so we could take that time later on .. to be with her while she was healthy not in treatment. I will always carry a guilt that I think I pushed for him to do that… To work while I took care of her medical needs.. then take time once we[…]

gift

This experience has showed me the goodness in people. We are so grateful for all the love and prayers, the monetary support and meals being delivered to my men folk back home. I am trying really hard to help JLK see how lucky we are and to teach her to find ways to pay it forward. Its hard to do though since I catch myself wondering why? I am no longer raising her to be a productive adult or a good wife. I want to give her only yeses. It has been brought up that maybe we should send her back to kindergarten after treatment. As a way for her to know she is ok and not be scared that we aren’t making her go. Not gonna happen though, both since I am selfish and I cant imagine not being with her….(that make me pause knowing I am going to[…]