Tag: terminal childhood cancer

cancer beat me

I say the words that I know I will always grieve her.. but lately.. really this whole past year I’ve just been mad about all of it.. And fighting like hell to deny it all too.. Been doing fairly well at it.. And had a distorted sense of pride about it .. But not sure I have the fortitude to keep going like this.. Cuz see I know. I know it’s not fair to my kids to be denying my ache anymore because it starts to impact them. I am far less patient than I should be.. I am ready for them to go to bed before bedtime.. I am always squeezing to just hold it together. I swore I would never ever be like this.. I dug in.. I dug in so hard for so many nights after she died.. And it helped. It allowed me the space to[…]

prison

I always want to figure it out. I always want to know why I am aching so much more than normal. But even now. Just sitting down behind my computer the tears are already flowing.. And I can’t say for sure why. There is a little girl, she looks very much like my Jennifer. Aptly named, her FB page is Katherine the Brave. And her mom has shared videos of her. And never held back from showing a snapshot of the brutal and harsh reality of DIPG. How it slowly chokes the life out of our children. .. How it tightens its grip..so cruelly slow. Leaving them completely aware of whats happening. ***moments after I posted this Katherines mom posted she had joined Jennifer earlier this evening. I hope they can become friends. And I am so damned sorry*** I saw one recently .. just scrolled past.. I didn’t need[…]