Tag: tahoe

Tahoe in pictures

We had a good trip. I think in part because I did so much hard grieving before we left. The 3 days leading up to the trip were pretty miserable for me … and in turn my kids and husband. My family drives my bonkers sometimes. I get my feelings hurt.. and I am sure I hurt feelings in return.But my biggest take away from the trip… I love my family so very much and they love me.. my husband and my babies. All 4 of them.  If we can raise my 3 living to be the kids, teens and young adults my nephews/nieces are .. well then I will consider it a job very well done. I just wish that my Jennifer could have been given the opportunity to grow with this incredible mix of people. She would have learned so much.. and I believe taught us so much.[…]

…but she is

I find myself back to a place where I have a longing for my nights to come and write. I don’t know if I am in a transitional period or if it is just a hard spot for me right now. I am brimming with emotions lately.. anger and sadness.. and a sharp desperate ache for my Jennifer. I have prayed a lot lately. Constantly talking to God, just walking out to the garage to grab a  bottle of juice I speak to Him. I ask for help.. . Sometimes its unbelievable to me. .. how I can feel so mad at Him on one hand .. yet still closer to Him than I have ever been. I know heaven is real. I know this isn’t the end.. but I just get so damned scared. And so I write … I release those fears through my fingers.. and then somehow am[…]