Tag: sibling bond with dead sibling

6 years

Tonight I should be practicing for a speech I am giving tomorrow. I have only gone through it twice now.. But I can’t seem to do it. Im not sure why. If its something swirling inside of me.. waiting for me to write and get it out.. Or if its too hard to do. Too hard to say the words out loud.. look at pictures of her…remember. Another cancer mom wrote about it .. wrote about how she doesn’t want to forget a thing about her son.. but also can’t bear to remember. I get that. How as the numbness is slowly wearing off that its hurts even more to allow myself to reach for her. Because it is just so devastating. But actually I think thats likely not accurate for me. .. not yet at least. Now the yearn is still so much stronger than I can even fight. I[…]

Connecting

I think she is connecting us. A week or so ago (I have no grip on time right now) I was lamenting in the kitchen how Jennifer never got to try coffee.. she sent me sign which I thanked her for immediately. I don’t think it really sunk in though. A few days later doing the same thing.. thinking abut all the things she would never get to do while making my coffee Jonathan spoke up. “Remember when you let me and Jennifer have some of the top stuff aka foam” I did… She got to try coffee! A few days ago I mentioned picnics in their room. They, Jonathan in particular,  know about the non profit.. they know that not all kids die from cancer and our goal is to make it so less children die. They know pediatric is fancy for kid. But we don’t talk about my blog. I don’t[…]