Tag: regrets with death of a child

Should

Should .. She should be here. . she should be alive.. That word carries a lot of weight with me right now. They cover me.. and they snuff out the light.. The should’s are dark and consuming. The should nots are heavy and constricting, they are what I don’t want to admit. . She should be growing and changing.. I should already have a wall filled with her school pictures. .. Instead we are tying to figure out what to do with Jonathan’s. . I should be posting his picture.. so proud of the handsome boy he is.. and how much he has changed and grown in the past 12 months. .. I should be happy for my friends and their school pictures.. Especially the kinder ones. . I should be. I’m not. I look at them with a mix of longing, jealousy and anger. . I long for it. For[…]