Tag: realizations

she is more

October 31, 2014October 31, 2014Unravel Pediatric Cancer7th birthday, child loss, child loss birthdays, childhood cancer, DIPG, holidays, jennifers birthday, signs, Uncategorizedbereaved sibling, cemetery, child loss, connection with a dead child, halloween, painted cloud, park, realizations, sibling loss, signs, tombstones15 Comments

Birthday done..check. Now halloween. I want to to just sleep through it. I want to avoid it completely. But I can’t, that wouldn’t be fair to my little 3. And then that makes me mad. I always did a good job appreciating the middle of the night wake ups and temper tantrums over not liking their costumes.. because I knew.. well I thought I knew how quickly time could pass. I had no idea I would only be gifted 6 truly magical years … before cancer stole a piece of all of us. The benefit of having so many older siblings that had children before me is that I know I am in the glory years. . the magic years.. But I’m not relishing in them the way I want to.. the way I used just a year ago. My love for them is big and strong.. but the ache[…]

s’mores

June 28, 2014July 23, 2014Love4JLKUncategorizedbereaved family, bereaved sibling, burying a child, changed mommy, chid loss, childhood cancer, DIPG, funeral, grieving mom, jonathan struggles, pediatric cancer, realizations, why I blog25 Comments

Today I feel like I am grieving me. The old me. My old life. The woman, friend, wife and mother I used to be.. I went to a beautiful little girls funeral today. I sat and listened to how brave and strong she was.. and I wanted to just be grieving for her. I didn’t want to be able to understand the depths of pain. I miss not being able to imagine what its like to lose your child. I realized today though that this is part of my new life.. part of the new me. Children’s funerals. I picked up the kids and wanted to try to make the best of our day. To find a new groove of this new mom I have become. I tried hard. To put some “emotional money in the bank”. We did a craft together and played ball then I put on a show[…]