Tag: physical memory

aftermath of memory

Its amazing how one memory of her has completely rocked me .. not even a complete memory.. just the shape of one piece of her head . . I have been weepy ever since. Just constantly close to tears. . And they seem to come easily. Yesterday was just a much needed *almost* our family day. We all needed that time to be with just us. We all miss her.. in our own ways. Nicholas now insists on putting his shorts on backwards when he does them himself. .. He says thats how they are supposed to go. And since he is not a fan of chonies I cannot see how that is comfortable.JLK used to do the same with her shoes. Completely insistent that they go on the opposite foot. I was worried her feet were going to start growing incorrectly she did it so often and for so[…]

I remember

Tony has our biggest and littlest living kids out running an errand and our new middle child is napping. I have business cards from DC set out to organize and start making contact.. I have a to-do list for Unravel laid out in front of me.. but I can’t motivate. Because I just need to cry..to write.. to miss her. We walked to the farmers market just a bit ago.. its right near where her preschool was.. I never walked there. She would have loved it.. but I thought it was too far. …constant regrets.. constant second guessing. For the first time since she died I mistook one of my living kids for her.. I was busy doing something and caught a glimpse of Jonathan out of the corner of my eye.. just a flash of his leg and the back of my brain registered “Jennifer”.. before the thought was[…]