Tag: nicholas birthday

six

Six. Never has a number had such power over me. Forever 6. My eldest child is eternally six years old.. Told on that birthday that she wouldn’t make it see seven. Her younger brother is 7.. and tomorrow her baby brother will also be 6. how? How is that even possible. Her bubbas.. I woke him this morning like I do the every morning before their birthdays.. Welcoming them to their final day of their current age. . But as I said the words .. ” Wake up to your last day of 5..” I felt a rush of cold through my veins. A cold and palpable fear. please help me keep him safe..  I’ve heard that military/police term of “watch your 6”.. and its resonated lately.. I had a feeling as to what it meant.. But I looked it up to be sure.. the defintion.. “6:00 is what lies[…]

wave

Sometimes it feels like we are just sitting on the shore. .. feeling wave after wave of emotions hit us.. sometimes the current so strong it feels like it just might pull us out into open water. In the past few days I have felt so many emotions.. anger and fear.. heartache and despair. Tony’s birthday was on Thursday. It was a hard day for him which I expected.. for me which I also expected and for Jonathan which was unexpected. .. I didn’t know until the next day that it was also hard for Nicholas.. not until he crawled into my lap and reached for my necklace that has Jennifers picture and held it. He didn’t look up at me but simply said I miss sissy mommy. wave.. I know it impacts him. I know he hurts in his own way, but I think sometimes I forget. I think[…]