Tag: marriage counseling

aftermath of memory

Its amazing how one memory of her has completely rocked me .. not even a complete memory.. just the shape of one piece of her head . . I have been weepy ever since. Just constantly close to tears. . And they seem to come easily. Yesterday was just a much needed *almost* our family day. We all needed that time to be with just us. We all miss her.. in our own ways. Nicholas now insists on putting his shorts on backwards when he does them himself. .. He says thats how they are supposed to go. And since he is not a fan of chonies I cannot see how that is comfortable.JLK used to do the same with her shoes. Completely insistent that they go on the opposite foot. I was worried her feet were going to start growing incorrectly she did it so often and for so[…]

apparently

A good therapist and an attentive husband can really fuck up your morning! We had counseling this morning. I figured it would mostly be focused on Tony’s concerns for going back to work…Apparently not. Somehow we ended up on the topic of my guilt.. the subject of my blog last night that Tony doesn’t even read anymore.. This guilt can be so overpowering for me. It was the first time I really cried in a session. .. how I wish I could have her back to keep making mistakes, then making up for them again.   Its the same old record over and over again.. I am forever changed by her death.. . and I wish she wasn’t missing out on these lessons I have learned. I wish her death wasn’t the catalyst for me improving It’s not huge things.. I wasn’t a bad mom before.. Its just in some[…]