Tag: Jennifer

jennifer lynn kranz

I am so grateful for pictures. I feel like without them I am losing her. Like she becomes a figment of my imagination. A almost mythical creature that I make up who she is. But then I get lost in pictures and I remember. .. Her. Jennifer. My daughter. I have worried since the day she died I wouldn’t ever remember her healthy. I still struggle with that .. a lot. But now I worry I will forget her. The real her. That she will become just a memory to me.. A twisted incorrect version of who she really was. That’s horrible. Its something I never want to admit to myself let alone out loud. But its the truth. It is a fear of mine that makes me feel like a terrible mom to her.. Which is strange because in so many ways her memory right now consumes me.. Even[…]

calling

I’m trying to follow that little voice inside my head a lot more lately. I would have used to call it my gut instinct… but now I attribute it to more than that. I had been finding little things that reminded me of one of Jennifer’s little friends…and her mom…We had. . well fallen apart through all of this. And it hurt me. A lot. I hear its normal. I hear it happens a lot to friendships of woman who have lost children . But these little signs and nudges the past few days made me want to call her today. To say lets talk.. So I did. We did. And I am glad. I can’t say for sure what is leading me… or if I am just doing a better job now, following that intuition. But so far its been really good for me. If I feel like I[…]