Tag: jealous

is this normal

Baby Charlotte is 2. I have never had a 2 year old without a newborn on my hip.. She was supposed to stay the baby of our family.. she won’t. And we are so very grateful for this new baby we are waiting to arrive.. but wish I could have all of them here.. Its a bittersweet thing. Getting down the decorations I actually really liked seeing all the things we had hung up over the years for Jennifer. I touched them .. so many starting to break apart now and I remembered how much she enjoyed getting to wake up on the morning of her birthday to a decorated house.. how she had her own princess and Dora and pink sparkly decorations.. I liked it. I smiled remembering her and those birthday moments. We have some decorations that are hung up for all the kids. I remembered her being[…]

twisted

I spend a lot of time, a few hours a week going to counseling or taking Jonathan to a session.. But if it helps its all worth it. I think for us we are doing this the best way we can.. and we happen to need the help to do it. My goal is that Jennifer’s death won’t be what defines us but was the catalyst to recreate us.. all of us. Something we didn’t need.. or want.. But something that did in fact happen to us. I have blue eyes.. I am 5ft tall. . and my daughter died. I want it to always be part of me.. part of us.. But not all of me, like it feels right now. It’s scary for me to realize that truly we are still just in the very beginning stages of that recreation. Last night Tony and I were talking about how much[…]