Tag: fear

glittery birthday girl

I was never a fancy birthday mom.. Never did party favors or pinterest themed decorations. .. So its only natural that I agreed to having Unravel throw an entire gala on what should be her 10th birthday!! A party in her honor to rage against the beast that ripped her unwillingly and with a slow precision from our arms. So I might as well admit it.. I am scared.. That date. October 28th. It’s held such power over me for almost 10 years.  .. the date I became a mom.. The date I looked forward to for 6 years.. To celebrate the little girl that changed everything.. husband and wife.. turned forever.. mommy and daddy. . In one moment.. in one breath she did that.. And 6 years after those first exhilarating moments .. years of promise were stolen in a string of words and letters.. Cancer.. DIPG.. There is[…]

rattling reminders

We went to do lab tours at Stanford yesterday. I wasn’t feeling so great last night so I went to bed right after the kids. I thought I would have plenty of time to write all about it tonight.. But life and memories stepped in the way. .. So tonight I write for me. I’ve never been that mom that freaks out over things with my kids. I have a dr thats over 30 mins away because he is awesome and my plan was always to switch over to him after Charlotte was 1, done with the constant well baby check ups,  since I knew we would have so few visits. But there are things. Moments really that simply knock me over. I’ve had two this week. Jonathan’s newest food avoidance strategy has been to say the food makes his head hurt. And he holds the same spot at the back[…]