Tag: explaining death to children

muscle memory

They call it muscle memory.. mus·cle mem·o·ry noun 1. the ability to reproduce a particular movement without conscious thought, acquired as a result of frequent repetition of that movement. Yup. Both boys are struggling. Jonathan started first. His teacher came out and spoke to me after school.. He was getting in trouble at home.. Nothing major just acting out. .. and needy. Nothing seems to be enough for him. My first thought was Jennifer.. Because I knew the time was coming. .. But I do not ever want to force grief upon them.. or excuse poor behavior because their sister died. So we looked.. we tried to find other reasons.. and actually thought we had.. ..but the behavior continued. Then Nicholas’ teacher asked to speak with me.. Worried about him. He was pulling inward.. not acting like himself.. oh sweet boy Still. I didn’t want to immediately think it was[…]

so i lied

I try to be honest. Especially in this new life we have been handed.. But I am finding I have to lie sometimes. To the outside world and my kids. With a smile that covers up the falling apart happening inside at that exact moment.. The surprising hard moments are often times the worst ones. The ones I am not ready for or expecting.. When the school year started. I used to walk Jonathan in every day. We would wait during assembly and watch him walk to the classroom. .. But the weather got colder and he wanted to be dropped off so we transitioned to that. Yesterday Nicholas asked if we could go in again. And Jonathan liked the idea so we did. I hope they don’t ask again. Two lines behind him I saw these kids.. The ones that are all strangers to me… but I know their[…]