Tag: discovery museum

we’re coming

When we get close to home I have a silly tradition that we will call out to whoever is waiting for us that we are on our way. Today it was just me and Charlotte and I started the call.. I called them one by one.. Daddddyyy and she would echo me..then  Bubbassss ..and  Brotherrr .. then I stopped. . I guess I must usually have at least 2 of the kids in the car because today it made me choke and gag. I gripped the steering wheel as tears bypassed the stinging stage and immediately began to fall. One missing. I whispered.. Jennifer.. over and over again. Charlotte already knowing the routine had continued on with it. “We’re cominggg” she was so damned happily yelling from behind me. I pounded the steering wheel. And then I said louder.. Sisssyyy .. Charlotte giggled and kicked, swinging her legs out.. Calling[…]

apparently

A good therapist and an attentive husband can really fuck up your morning! We had counseling this morning. I figured it would mostly be focused on Tony’s concerns for going back to work…Apparently not. Somehow we ended up on the topic of my guilt.. the subject of my blog last night that Tony doesn’t even read anymore.. This guilt can be so overpowering for me. It was the first time I really cried in a session. .. how I wish I could have her back to keep making mistakes, then making up for them again.   Its the same old record over and over again.. I am forever changed by her death.. . and I wish she wasn’t missing out on these lessons I have learned. I wish her death wasn’t the catalyst for me improving It’s not huge things.. I wasn’t a bad mom before.. Its just in some[…]