I woke.. just a few minutes before the birthday girl. Those moments alone were so necessary. I went to her and wished her a happy birthday… I tried to steel myself for the onslaught of the day. We waited for the boys to wake up then we went together to see what we had decorated […]
Today was hard.. at different times for different reasons. This morning I woke with the elephant on my chest… one was missing. Tony and Jonathan got me a gift to symbolize all 4 kids. We ate breakfast together.. Then I felt it coming. .. I asked him to take the boys out while Charlotte napped […]
midnight I don’t often put music on when I write but tonight I did… this is playing… now officially mothers day. I wanted to avoid this moment. now I want to avoid sleep. I don’t want to wake up without her. When I pulled out the next size up of girl clothes there was one pair […]
I did it. I think I did ok. Most importantly though I really enjoyed it. For me this was a bit of a test to see how I did with public speaking and if I did ok.. did it feel right. ..? My goal was to hopefully make a change. I am so grateful that […]
I feel like I am circling the drain right now… my muscles tightened and ready to snap. .. surviving only as a reflex. Its like so much is hitting at the same time. Tony being back at work was the least of it actually. I did ok with it. Set little goals like getting our […]
See you at dinner. That’s what Tony said to me tonight before he went to bed. Tomorrow is his first day back to work. Its going to be a rough transition for all of us. His work has been so good to us.. they are allowing him to come back slowly, 3 days a week. […]
We all miss her. At different times in different ways.. but there is a constant current ..i miss her… flowing through our household. Yesterday i saw the first offering from baby Charlotte in Jennifer’s room. One of her lovies. 4th kid I finally got smart and bought a bunch of the blanket animal she was […]
A good therapist and an attentive husband can really fuck up your morning! We had counseling this morning. I figured it would mostly be focused on Tony’s concerns for going back to work…Apparently not. Somehow we ended up on the topic of my guilt.. the subject of my blog last night that Tony doesn’t even […]
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