Tag: DC

20 weeks

We got the mission statement completed. I should feel happy. I should feel relieved. One thing off my plate. .. But all I can think is 20 weeks. Tomorrow is 20 weeks. .. I have never been so sad. I never knew sadness could permeate to these depths of a person without destroying them. I hurt. I ache with such a fierceness I feel like I might be ripped apart from the inside out.   20 weeks.. why? Why did this happen? Why are we allowing it to still happen to 7 more kids today.. and 7 more tomorrow.  I have people from our glitter squad calling Senator’s offices to ask for the specific aide by title that we should write to about the lack of funding. And you know what some offices are saying.. No. We won’t give out there email address! I am so frustrated, disappointed, angry ..[…]

heavy and crushing

It is so hard to come home to a house without her. . Its hard to leave and feel like I am leaving her behind. .. It is hard to come home.. to hug my boys.. and have my arms ache so desperately for the one hug I will never have the luck of getting in this life again.  I know experts would tell me she is too little but I am so sure Charlotte feels the same way too.. The unabashed joy that washed over her seeing her brothers today was incredible. I couldn’t help but wonder if she thought they were also gone from her forever. It was a half giggle – half cry noise. Eerily the kind of noises I think I would make if I got my Jennifer back..                                  […]

DC getting to it

Finally feeling the way I wanted to about being here.. Walking down the street today a young girl and her mother approached me because of my Unravel shirt. She asked if we were here for action days. They also happened to be here from California! The girl is a 16 yr old survivor who brought up a great point. She survived childhood cancer but almost died from side effects from the incredibly toxic treatments. If she had her death would not have been attributed to cancer.. another statistical loophole.. We walked and talked for at least 10 minutes. When I shared our story.. of the loss of our Jennifer the mother stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and embraced me. A hug that spoke a thousand words that language can not allow. .. of hope and despair.. guilt and gratitude and simple understanding.. I absorbed the relationship between this[…]

DC

After I wrote last time I set out to get packing.. I found our backpack and looked inside. Just a few things from our last trip, her Make A Wish to DisneyWorld and even though this wasn’t her bag it had her stuff in it. A barely touched magic marker coloring book. I had no idea what to do with it. I didn’t want to throw it away but I also have nowhere to keep it. I already have so much of her stuff saved and it wasn’t like she really colored these pages. I decided to go put it in her backpack in her room. Once I walked in I started sobbing. I just didn’t want to go without her. I had been walking all around the house trying to figure out what to bring of hers on the trip.. to have her with me. Its so hard to[…]