Tag: connection with dead child

my daughter

I am reaching for her. Always so desperate to try to connect to her. Its been a slow build over the past few days to the point of all consuming… My boys really wanted a party for Charlotte. So we threw something together last minute for her on Friday, a few days after her birthday. We still had our gluten free cupcakes for her actual birthday so we went outside to sing and eat them… since they crumble more than glutenful cupcakes.. We lit her candle, it blew out and as we sang it blew out again.. then it hit me. Out loud I said good job Jennifer.. and it stayed lit. .. was it really her? I choke on that hope.. That she was there. Present enough to be experiencing it with us. close enough to blow out her baby sisters candles.. right now I look out onto the[…]