Tag: connecting with a dead child

find me again..

Sometimes we resist what we know.. this blog is really just a continuation of this one.. And sometimes urges and pushes are so strong we cannot ignore them.. I pulled the boys out of school and took them on a mommy and boys date to the movies. Coco. None of us had seen it… it was only in one theatre 40 mins away.. But I had this strong urge.. we were meant to go. The 3 of us had the entire place to ourselves. It wasn’t nearly as hard as I thought it would be.. Until the final scene.. when my deepest hope for what its like for me and Jennifer now was on screen. The movie ended and we left the theatre and went on the hunt for something to eat at the mall.. We talked as we walked .. in the best boy talking way.. moving and not[…]

run ahead

I am not alone. It’s a big piece of why I still share this blog. Its harder to do now. I feel so much more drained when I write. So much more exposed now  ..  But I share because of the notes I get from others in my shoes or from those loving somebody else that is in my shoes. It’s why I share. I went for a run on the beach while we were there for her should have been 8th birthday.  I often do that when we are at a beach,  but this time I connected to it in a different way. I always look at the ocean and remember that saying about there being as many souls in heaven as drops in the ocean. I believe that. I sensed that as I held her as she died. The fullness in the room beyond anything I have ever felt.[…]