I used to love the Fall.. love when the seasons started to change and the weather got a little crisper.. Loved it getting dark earlier.. I hate it. I hate all of it. Its just leading to horrible days.. ones that used to be so full of joy .. that I am terrified of having […]
I woke up this morning feeling empty. Like the lack of her was completely overwhelming. It was a hard day to be a good mom.. But I tried. I tried and won some and failed some. Tony was gone all day at a football game.. a full day out that he more than deserved.. I […]
Sometimes the empty is so consuming, sometimes the reality that she is gone slaps me. Sometimes my ache for her is more subtle.. and another persons wound more crucial to attend to. This weekend was a bit of both. We went camping… without her… well without all of her. I had the keepsake of her […]
Constant ache. Sometimes punctured with a pain so sharp I literally clutch my stomach. Today has been a day where even the constant ache is so strong I sometimes doubt the strength of my legs to keep me upright.. so those moments of sharp… when they come.. well they feel like I am being cut […]
So why are you doing this? (the whole fluttering campaign) To keep the promise you made to Jennifer? (Unravel itself) I was asked that today in a interview. I wish I could say yes. But its simply not the truth. I am doing it because I am selfish and I know it could be another […]
Its been a hard day. Just lots of up and down moments. The little ones.. looking at costumes with Charlotte.. knowing how much she would have loved them if her big sister was around.. because Jennifer would have picked them out for her. Asking a friend for baby doll toy advice for Charlotte.. since I […]
I can’t believe its already September. I can’t believe a year ago I didn’t even know this month was pediatric cancer awareness month. Seriously I look back and it seems just unreal to me that I had no idea about the things that are so ingrained in me now I can’t imagine not knowing.. not […]
Sometimes it feels like we are just sitting on the shore. .. feeling wave after wave of emotions hit us.. sometimes the current so strong it feels like it just might pull us out into open water. In the past few days I have felt so many emotions.. anger and fear.. heartache and despair. Tony’s […]
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