Tag: cancer sibling

 It is warmth. It is joy. It is full.

I’ve always known .. well I guess not always since I never in my wildest fears imagined this being our life.. But since she was put on hospice care I knew our kids would each take their own paths on their grief journeys. I remember them teaching us how our kids would each re-live the loss of their sister as they hit new cognitive and emotional milestones.. So I’ve know it.. It should be no surprise .. but it always is. I share all of this now for them.. An addendum to my letter to them.. (shared here) for them to know what I know. We were recently talking about the girl I believe to our Jennifer’s best friend. How it was 11 years since her family said their final goodbye to her. We talked about what we could do to support Brecken’s family. It brought to the surface each[…]

February 1

Hey Super Bowl. Fuck you. And while we are at it. February can go screw off too. .. Well maybe not. Maybe I love Februaury too. Because its the last month I held her. The last month I felt her heart beating.. Always strong until the moment it stopped. Just like Jennifer was. Today sucks. Because Tony wants to watch the game. Because he doesn’t have the same connection to this day that I do. So we both feel guilty for upsetting the other one. Because Jonathan just can’t stop hurting right now. His pain is strong. Intense. Real and for him so confusing. He doesn’t understand why its suddenly so palpable again. So he is constantly looking for reasons and explanations to explain why the feelings are bubbling. But the truth is.. its simply just almost been a year. And all parts of his body remember. We had all[…]