Just watched her services for the first time. Just me and her pinkie and nigh nigh. .. . kinda feel like I was in a boxing match. .. .i lost. Badly. I feel a weight on my shoulders.. pushing my down. So heavy. I thought it would start to get lighter? . .. its not. […]
My thoughts are jumbled.I am so tired.. circling the drain… Milk in the pantry cereal in the fridge kinda day. Yesterday just totally drained and exhausted me. .. .dehydrated me. I could have stayed in bed all day. But I know thats not fair to Tony or the kids. I got up and realized I […]
5 weeks today. 5 weeks since I last touched you or felt your hand in mine… 5 weeks since I got to look in your eyes and feel them looking back in mine. That sums up how I felt today. I just missed her.. simply. totally. We decided to take the kids to a new […]
Words take on new meaning..thoughts can sometimes slap me in the face. Tony is out with a friend tonight. The boys are pretty much refusing to go to sleep. But now behaving well enough so I am blogging. A little bit ago though Nicholas was pushing it. My first thought was to jokingly text Tony […]
Today was a day of opposites. Of highs and lows. This morning I woke up. And missed her still. A continuation of the longing I felt last night. I strapped on my shoes and went for a run. It wasn’t a good run though. It was slow and hot .. As I ran I realized […]
In the middle of the night 1 month ago… Last night was harder than today in most ways. I sobbed…body racking sobs. Going to bed I went to her room. I talked to her…and cried with her…But I decided to sleep in my own bed. Heavy sleep found me.. . Like my body just needed […]
This was us… just A month ago.. yet also a lifetime ago…her lifetime.. Today however was actually ok. First therapy appointment. Went well. We will have separate appointments in the next week. Paperwork… .. . how many children living in your home? I teared up. and got somehow really nervous about what to write. I […]
I am starting to get so exhausted. I can’t fall asleep. When I do its a restless sleep..I think it’s often filled with nightmares. And the kids are waking up a lot at night. Not a good combination. Still this morning I felt a urge to run…so I did. I want to just keep running. […]
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