Tag: bereaved friends

i love you

The only time I am not crying is when I am with other people. .. With Tony and the kids though I cannot seem to stop the tears. Everything is reminding me of her.. everything is ripping into the wound I keep waiting to start healing. right now I don’t think it ever will. right now I feel like my sorrow is so much bigger than I am . We went to the Chargers/49ers game this weekend with some friends. Tony is a Chargers fan so they thought we would like it. We were very excited. Charlotte stayed with my parents and the boys with one of my brothers families. I had forgotten until I started getting dressed in my jersey.. forgotten we had taken her to a game once. A pre-season game just like this one and a neighbor gifted us her tickets. That time Tony held her.. this[…]

birthdays

I had a post in my head ..about 5ks and butterflies… but that will have to come another time.. this is all that is on my mind since this morning. I got on FB and saw my friends post about it being her daughters birthday.. in heaven. I used to feel for other people. I used to be emphatic. .. I feel like I have lost that quality.. but today it comes .. that emotion flooding back. The gut wrenching sorrow I feel for our friends.. the struggle to find the words to convey how much I hurt for them. So I did what I want others to do for me. I reached out, risked saying the wrong thing. And most importantly I put the date in my phone. So I never forget. So every year til the day I die.. whether the friendship remains or not.. I will write[…]

happiness

We all miss her. At different times in different ways.. but there is a constant current ..i miss her… flowing through our household. Yesterday i saw the first offering from baby Charlotte in Jennifer’s room. One of her lovies. 4th kid I finally got smart and bought a bunch of the blanket animal she was becoming attached to. I found one on the floor of Jennifer’s room.. at the foot of her bed… right where the boys leave there things for her. I leave the stuff there for a few days and then put it away. Nobody complains and they all seem to respect each other.. so far only one offering at at time.. I walk by her room many many times during a day. I don’t go in it often. If I am writing something I will be sharing publicly I always do it in there.. not my blog[…]

miss her

I miss her. Last night we had a bereaved family over for dinner. They also lost their eldest daughter. It was incredible to be able to talk about soccer in one breathe and each of our daughters ashes in the next. Foods we like to eat and how they spend their daughters anniversary/birthday each year. None of us grimaced at comments… or felt sorry for each other. I think both families hurt for each other.. understand the sorrow.. but all having our own pains.. it somehow seemed to level out. They are 7 yrs further down the road then we are so they were able to give us their experiences over a few years time. That was helpful. There youngest is the same age as Jennifer.. her school “boy friend”. I worried about the age difference since all 4 are older by a few years than our kids.. But so[…]