I wonder a lot what I look like to others. You see me and talk to me and I seem relatively normal. I am not. I wonder if people think I am begin over dramatic with my writing. I am not. What I write is my truth. I don’t even understand it. I don’t understand […]
Another holiday looming. ..without her. But its the first year .. so I know people will care. I know they will notice me and try to be extra gentle.. I am thankful for that.. but so fearful for years to come. I think the horrifying truth is hitting me.. Its never going to get better. […]
Tony has our biggest and littlest living kids out running an errand and our new middle child is napping. I have business cards from DC set out to organize and start making contact.. I have a to-do list for Unravel laid out in front of me.. but I can’t motivate. Because I just need to […]
Today I feel like I am grieving me. The old me. My old life. The woman, friend, wife and mother I used to be.. I went to a beautiful little girls funeral today. I sat and listened to how brave and strong she was.. and I wanted to just be grieving for her. I didn’t […]
It is so hard to come home to a house without her. . Its hard to leave and feel like I am leaving her behind. .. It is hard to come home.. to hug my boys.. and have my arms ache so desperately for the one hug I will never have the luck of getting […]
Heavenly mothers day worked well for me today.. but heavenly fathers day sticks in my throat. I haven’t figured out yet what I want to say to my husband.. what settles well. So far looking him in the eyes and just saying happy fathers day seems to convey all the emotions I am feeling. He […]
I have been avoiding writing tonight. I am struggling with blogging.. because right now I am just emotionally exhausted.. I know when I write I am forced to go into it.. I feel the storm brewing and so much of me wants to run.. and never look back. So I was wasting time on facebook. […]
Last night I went to see a very popular tv medium.. popular and from the looks of it insanely wealthy. I went with my sister and her friends and my bereaved mommy friend. We were up in the nose bleeds of a large amphitheater ($70.00)..so she came nowhere near us. But of course I couldn’t […]
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