Tag: angel

hope so

The kids and I went to go see Jennifer today. I love having a place we can go when we all just really miss her a little extra. We talked about how its been almost one year since she moved to heaven.. We talked about how our bodies know things even if our minds don’t. Jonathan explained an hour or so later.. that its because we love her so much. Even our bodies love her. .. miss her. As I stood in front of her headstone crying and talking to my forever 6 year old I watched my other 3 following each other around. Looking at other peoples spots, noticing who has new balloons or new flowers. They were enjoying themselves.. among headstones. It was a surreal image. One I could have never imagined for us a year ago. but now it is just us. I talked to Jennifer.. about[…]

angels

  All these things I am being forced to walk through. Nothing feels real right now.  Its like my body.. my heart.. my soul cannot accept that she is gone.. that I have to do this. These holidays.   Something in me snapped on Friday. Broke apart. And I cried off and on all day. I hate it. That cancer stole my daughter.. but also my 3 youngest babies childhoods. This shouldn’t be their memories for this time of year. But I can’t always stop it. I try .. I do try. Because I know it impacts them. I know how they are my little men and want to protect me. .. do anything to keep their mommy from hurting. Friday morning it was a cluster of hits that took me down. . Jonathan worried it was the song on the radio he had said he liked.. so he told[…]

santa and jesus.. not so far apart

Our home is decorated and Christmas season is officially here with the start of December. We decorated inside and outside this weekend. I wanted one more outdoor decoration and told the kids to look for one when they went out tree shopping with my parents. They came back knowing exactly what they wanted. A angel. Its perfect. .. well perfectly suited to us now. To remember what christmas is really all about. Love, family.. and Jesus. 2 years ago we jumped on the elf train.. those little toy elves that come for the month of December to kids homes to get to watch them be kids. Last year we put it out.. and then realized the girls and I would be leaving to go back to Palo Alto for her week of treatment. So I went out to buy a 2nd one. So she would get the fun of the[…]