Tag: 6 year old death

i will stand

I am a walking contradiction. I wake up exhausted. .. yet I struggle to find sleep. I am somehow simultaneously full beyond capacity and horribly empty. and.. and the cruelest contradiction .. I am mom to 5. but only 4 that I can touch. I just want to know her still. Who she would be. See her outgrow clothes.. Know what her talents would be. .. What her current favorite popsicle flavor would be. I am forever her mom.. but she is forever 6 … and its just not the same. It just doesn’t add up or work. And right now that contradiction is just overwhelming. I am beyond broken right now..  I feel so destroyed. I just hurt.  The sheer power and force of these emotions in surprising. I cannot believe how hard this still is .. Not always.. That’s improved. But when it hits, and holy hell is it[…]