Tag: 2 months

challenge by choice

Bereavement camp.. Who knew right?? I had no idea places like this existed.. actually let’s be honest I had no idea there was a need for a place like this to exist. I knew kids died.. I even had an idea a few died from cancer.. but that’s rare. .. certainly too rare to have a camp for families… Bittersweet. I hate that I was wrong.. but here writing and remembering our weekend I am so selfishly glad that I wasn’t. It was really good for us. I am going to try not to write a ton about it. In case somebody else attends the camp at some point.. . and because it really wasn’t one of those weekend that I feel a need to rehash it.. . a lot got worked out.. or my mind is still processing. .. so potentially it will pop out. Also we forgot my[…]

clap

Music moves me…music permeated today… this song is the theme song for the first half of today… 2 months come… and gone.. This morning was really hard for me. We drove to Monterey… to be near the ocean and eat breakfast at a little place we really enjoy. Last time we were there was about a year ago on our “baby moon” right before baby Charlotte was born. …she turned 11 months today. Next month she turns 1… I really thought Jennifer would be here for that. I honestly never expected her to not make it to May. At our breakfast spot they have live music. The guy today was amazing…I got his card..  The song choices blew my mind, I cried at the table.. a lot. The hardest I have ever cried in public. I think its hard for Tony to see me like that… openly vulnerable.. to know how[…]

longest wait

2 months ago.. I was holding her. feeling her heartbeat…hard and fast… Tomorrow 2 months ago that beautiful heart finally succumb… stopped beating. The distance between me and her life grows…every time I go to bed another day is added allowing the gap between our time together to grow…but also a day closer to reuniting with her again.. my love/hate relationship with my bed. Nights I write and I re-connect. ..I also hurt..unexplainable sorrow. my love/hate relationship with the nights. I ran this morning. Thought about running the 5k in May…thought about how it will feel to add to the Jennifer Kranz fund at Stanford…I thought about how much she would have loved to help out her doctors. How much she loved them and wanted to make them proud. Her head doc called me last weekend. Just to check in and say she was thinking of her..of us.. These doctors[…]