Should .. She should be here. . she should be alive.. That word carries a lot of weight with me right now. They cover me.. and they snuff out the light.. The should’s are dark and consuming. The should nots are heavy and constricting, they are what I don’t want to admit. . She should be […]
October.. Waiting for that crash.. Standing beside the train tracks.. wind blowing hard and fast against me.. and nothing I can do to stop it.. I feel it though. My whole body trembles as I feel the sheer power and force of the train barreling towards my little family. October.. This month is that train.. […]
Sissy. This presence.. this person my girls don’t really know. She is everywhere. She is nowhere. Driving down the road Nicholas got excited and pointed exclaiming “look its SISSY”. with such conviction I had to turn and look. We were driving past the cemetery. I looked in the rear view mirror as Charlottes head turned […]
September marks the start of pediatric cancer awareness month.. I feel like I should be writing all about it. The ways to be involved. To not JUST be sorry but to be active.. but I can’t.. because I am selfish… and I am fucking struggling. Because the end of August and September seems to mark for […]
A few months ago we were looking into changing our insurance coverage.. Speaking with our advisor he introduced us to something called “human life value”. In simple terms .. “A way of deciding how much life insurance an individual may need. The person’s income, expenses, and years remaining in the workplace are considered”. I thought there is a […]
I always wanted to be a mom and I knew that I wanted a big family. It’s why I worked in day cares and summer camps and then became a teacher. To practice what I knew my lifes work was supposed to be.. I was always confident in my ability to juggle and thrive as […]
I am happy. My life is good and full and rich. But.. Well, there is just always a but.. Because Jennifer is missing. I exist in my joy.. but there is this constant current of sadness. Of grief. Of missing her. We have had a truly incredible summer. It has been ideal.. (almost aka… but) […]
*****I have had this blog for awhile. I have been saving it. I think because its just simply so powerful to me. It embodies the biggest message I am trying to get people to really allow to absorb into them. Don’t wait .. get involved now. All in. Both feet. And be brave. Get your loved ones to jump […]
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