dig in.. and you will dig out.. I have dug in.. enough to somehow both give me a head ache and release me from the one that has been lingering for weeks. Jennifer loved chocolate cake.. and a ton of icing. She had celiacs disease and ate gluten free.. in a time before most people […]
10. she should be 10. Double digits. what a big deal. Except she isn’t here.. This is the time of year when I can really remember her.. When I have moments.. days even I can remember so vividly.. Hauntingly vividly.. When she was sick.. when she was dying.. But not her 6th birthday.. There are […]
I had this false perspective of reality.. I thought it was a simple thing.. As it turns out it is anything but.. We can’t change our reality .. but we certainly can deny it. This still feels unreal.. Like it can’t really have happened.. My daughter can’t have died.. I think I am learning .. […]
I think maybe I am starting to find my groove. Find my way in this new life of mine.. Figuring out a way to carry myself through the difficult times. My body .. my heart know what is coming and I think I am unintentionally filling my tank.. and my reserves .. Because I find […]
I was never a fancy birthday mom.. Never did party favors or pinterest themed decorations. .. So its only natural that I agreed to having Unravel throw an entire gala on what should be her 10th birthday!! A party in her honor to rage against the beast that ripped her unwillingly and with a slow […]
I’ve always known .. well I guess not always since I never in my wildest fears imagined this being our life.. But since she was put on hospice care I knew our kids would each take their own paths on their grief journeys. I remember them teaching us how our kids would each re-live the […]
Six. Never has a number had such power over me. Forever 6. My eldest child is eternally six years old.. Told on that birthday that she wouldn’t make it see seven. Her younger brother is 7.. and tomorrow her baby brother will also be 6. how? How is that even possible. Her bubbas.. I woke […]
Whats it like? What’s it like to be you? I see it. I think that is probably the number 1 question I see burning behind people’s eyes that is never asked. Though it’s hinted to… in the escape of words like I can’t imagine. .. So I’ll tell you.. It’s showing up to drop my […]
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