I am a living breathing nightmare. “I’m sorry you are living this nightmare” That’s the only words I have for other parents when their children die.. I can even say it when its been years and years .. I am going to venture a guess.. by the hollow I see exposed when they know that […]
I woke.. just a few minutes before the birthday girl. Those moments alone were so necessary. I went to her and wished her a happy birthday… I tried to steel myself for the onslaught of the day. We waited for the boys to wake up then we went together to see what we had decorated […]
Today was hard.. at different times for different reasons. This morning I woke with the elephant on my chest… one was missing. Tony and Jonathan got me a gift to symbolize all 4 kids. We ate breakfast together.. Then I felt it coming. .. I asked him to take the boys out while Charlotte napped […]
midnight I don’t often put music on when I write but tonight I did… this is playing… now officially mothers day. I wanted to avoid this moment. now I want to avoid sleep. I don’t want to wake up without her. When I pulled out the next size up of girl clothes there was one pair […]
I did it. I think I did ok. Most importantly though I really enjoyed it. For me this was a bit of a test to see how I did with public speaking and if I did ok.. did it feel right. ..? My goal was to hopefully make a change. I am so grateful that […]
First time public speaking tonight. Excited but nervous. .. My hope is just that I make a impact. I went for a run this morning. I haven’t done that in awhile.. been loving Cross Fit too much. But I am really glad I did. It centered me.. and relaxed me too. Thank you to Mamas […]
Sickness.. another post death milestone we are in the midst of. Nicholas got sick. No idea what it is.. and Charlotte seems to be suffering also… though very differently. He is way better today.. Last night was child loss support group. My sister and her family had our 3 littlest kids. We me up at […]
I feel like I am circling the drain right now… my muscles tightened and ready to snap. .. surviving only as a reflex. Its like so much is hitting at the same time. Tony being back at work was the least of it actually. I did ok with it. Set little goals like getting our […]
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