I think grief is like the ocean. .. Powerful and constant. It comes in and goes out. Sometimes a storm passes and it becomes violent and dark. .. sometimes it is calm and peaceful. But it is always moving, always changing, and you have to keep kicking or you will drown. That can be exhausting.. I […]
Another mothers day is coming. .. I dread it. And then I feel so much guilt over that. I still have my amazing mom and I know so many others that don’t. .I am lucky not just to still have a mom.. but to have her be MY mom and my kids Coco. I am […]
Its not contagious. Thats one of the early things you tell a child about cancer. As their friend/sister is battling.. You can’t catch it from them. Seems like a good thing.. But maybe not… In New York we went to the American Museum of Natural History. One exhibit I wanted to see was the one […]
Please read this post. Its not by me. Its by another mother. Explaining why her daughter has to have showers in the middle of the night. Read this post and really let it absorb.. think about what this agent must be doing to her insides .. This isn’t rare.. this isn’t a unique case. In […]
Life moves so quickly sometimes. I thought while I was in New York I would carve out time to blog, but we were so busy I didn’t. And then coming home I have just been trying to get the house stuff and kids in order. So for those that don’t follow on Facebook (and if […]
I think all moms will get this.. but certainly moms of bigger families. We count. 1,2,3,4.. Leaving places.. in the middle of places. . we count to be sure we have all of our little chicks accounted for. I think its automatic, we aren’t even aware its happening.. like a counting program running in the […]
Those sudden surprise moments.. The shock of being unprepared is like jumping into the freezing cold water of grief. .. It steals your breathe and even when you start to regain it.. its stays sharp and ragged. Your heart is beating hard and fast and you look around disoriented. .. fight or flight they call […]
I’m jealous. Of things I never ever would have imagined feeling jealousy over. But cancer has changed me. Losing my daughter has changed me. I see the bonds other cancer families have created through time spent wandering the halls of the hospital and I want that. When I see them getting together.. those surviving and […]
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