I know she is proud of me tonight. I just do. I almost never think what would Jennifer want me to do… Its just not something that seems to resonate with me. But it did today. Today I felt worried I would be letting her down.. worried that she wanted me to do something I […]
Now it has found me. This deep dark monster pulling me down. I miss her so much right now. I am finding myself not wanting to leave the house anymore. Feeling such a crushing depth of loneliness without her .. Jonathan was at school and Nicholas and I found some old videos of Jennifer and […]
Integrity.. its what you do when nobody is looking. Often I have forgotten that even when it feels like nobody is looking my most important and treasured audience usually is. My kids. They deserve the best of me and they haven’t always gotten it. Its one thing I will be forever grateful to Jennifer and […]
The eve of another 12th.. ..the last 12th before THE 12th. Before it all just starts over again. And its just another day we have lived without her. .. again. How much heartache can one little home hold? Tony is crying .. often. Daily. Its heart wrenching to see the man I love look at […]
I am still me.. but never ever really the same. I went to a MOPS group this morning. I was at a table with some ladies I knew.. and some I didn’t. ok cool. It started with a ice breaker.. we just took turns sharing a little bit about ourselves. nailed it. Then the video came on. The […]
You ever look back and wonder.. wonder if on some level you knew your whole life story ahead of time? There are moments since all of this I have done that. I wrote about it here .. about the signs I had seen along the way. Now too. How I look around and Jennifer is […]
Happy new year. . this year 2015.. .. just one more thing Jennifer will never get to experience. And I am hurting over it. So much. So much more than I expected to. We are all sick. It feels like we have been the whole fall/winter season and I can’t help but wonder if heartbreak […]
I am not alone in this. So much of what I feel other parents are also feeling. This is what my friend Kristine wrote on the McKenna Claire Foundations FB page yesterday “We are on a major organizational binge at our house. Our life has been chaos since the day McKenna was diagnosed, which will […]
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