I am not alone in this. So much of what I feel other parents are also feeling. This is what my friend Kristine wrote on the McKenna Claire Foundations FB page yesterday “We are on a major organizational binge at our house. Our life has been chaos since the day McKenna was diagnosed, which will […]
This time last year Tony and I were on the best trip of our lives. A trip to surprise trip to Disneyland with just Jennfier and baby Charlotte. She was 7 months old so totally easy and flexible. The trip was all about Jennifer, what she wanted to do and when she wanted to do […]
Time is divided into B.C and A.D times. Yup that pretty much sums it up. Before cancer and after death. This is our first Christmas in this new era. Two down.. one to go. This afternoon we head to my parents for our final Christmas “celebration.” I used to love this time of year. Looked […]
We did end up all going to the family baggo tournament at the same place we had our “goodbye to Jennifer party”. Not a easy decision since at first Jonathan said no.. we followed up with him and he still said no. But once he knew Daddy and Nicholas were going he waffled on it. […]
All these things I am being forced to walk through. Nothing feels real right now. Its like my body.. my heart.. my soul cannot accept that she is gone.. that I have to do this. These holidays. Something in me snapped on Friday. Broke apart. And I cried off and on all day. […]
Yes. Yes. Yes. I am eternally grateful for the yeses. And eternally sorry for the no’s. A year ago we did a last minute tea party. At a fancy tea party place. We had a lot at our little apartment together. It was certainly a daily ritual and one of my most cherished memories. She […]
We saw Santa. It was anti climatic. Which was a good thing actually since so much.. so much has been so big lately. Only Jonathan even sat on his lap. It was easier .. not so vividly missing her since the photographs I took were missing most of my kids. But a friend and I […]
Friday was another 12th. Marking 10 months since I held my daughter last. I have promised myself that I will spend every 12th doing something for them because of her. This month for the first time the “them” wasn’t my 3 surviving kids.. I did it with my kids.. but did it for the kids still […]
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