I am reaching for her. Always so desperate to try to connect to her. Its been a slow build over the past few days to the point of all consuming… My boys really wanted a party for Charlotte. So we threw something together last minute for her on Friday, a few days after her birthday. […]
I had a post in my head ..about 5ks and butterflies… but that will have to come another time.. this is all that is on my mind since this morning. I got on FB and saw my friends post about it being her daughters birthday.. in heaven. I used to feel for other people. I […]
Will it matter in a month? That’s it for me. That is the parenting question to end all questions. Last night Nicholas was being really disobedient. . He was warned. He lost 2 lesser valued objects. All that was left was his “friend” (his lovie .. his version of pinkie) and his pacifier. (that he […]
I am a living breathing nightmare. “I’m sorry you are living this nightmare” That’s the only words I have for other parents when their children die.. I can even say it when its been years and years .. I am going to venture a guess.. by the hollow I see exposed when they know that […]
I woke.. just a few minutes before the birthday girl. Those moments alone were so necessary. I went to her and wished her a happy birthday… I tried to steel myself for the onslaught of the day. We waited for the boys to wake up then we went together to see what we had decorated […]
Today was hard.. at different times for different reasons. This morning I woke with the elephant on my chest… one was missing. Tony and Jonathan got me a gift to symbolize all 4 kids. We ate breakfast together.. Then I felt it coming. .. I asked him to take the boys out while Charlotte napped […]
midnight I don’t often put music on when I write but tonight I did… this is playing… now officially mothers day. I wanted to avoid this moment. now I want to avoid sleep. I don’t want to wake up without her. When I pulled out the next size up of girl clothes there was one pair […]
I did it. I think I did ok. Most importantly though I really enjoyed it. For me this was a bit of a test to see how I did with public speaking and if I did ok.. did it feel right. ..? My goal was to hopefully make a change. I am so grateful that […]
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